| She's a triumph of Self-Delusion. |
Monday
July 21st, 2025 at 12:50pm |
the art and life [%90] are public - the feelings [%10] are not.
so.
a). add me.
b). comment. mention with why you added me & why you think i should add you back. :)
COOL BEANS.
*note : if you add me and we don't talk , i'll unadd you , simple as that .
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Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger |
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Thursday
June 18th, 2009 at 11:46am |
( tell me this was all for something )
Captain and I spoke on an almost daily basis , but even though we talked it felt like we aren’t really saying anything . Simple short pleasantries , nothing with content , neither of us wanting to talk about how we’re really feeling .
On the 10th we went and had coffee . And talked about a lot of things .
It was the first time we’d seen each other in two months basically .
He was avoiding me , but he’ll tell you otherwise .
In the time that has passed I’ve begun to learn that each morning reasserts the problems of the night before , that sleep suspends all but changes nothing , that you can’t make yourself over between dawn and dusk .
It was surprising how well he was still able to read my body language . Sometimes I found it hard to remember the way he had been treating me, sometimes I discovered myself thoughtlessly slipping back into affection for him again .
“I want to sincerely thank you for being my best friend . I know it hurts to hear , but thank you so much .”
It was a courageous thing for him to say , I suppose . Exposing a sincere emotion nakedly like that surprised me , only because we hadn’t really had a conversation that actually means something for awhile .
I should have told him that he was my best friend also and rounded off what he had said . I started to; I nearly did . But something held me back .
Perhaps I was stopped by that level of feeling , deeper than thought , which contains the truth .
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| It should take you about four seconds to cross from here to that door . I'll give you two . |
Monday
May 18th, 2009 at 1:22am |
( kiss me , then make up your mind , they say i'm not the loving kind )
Remember Charles Boyer ?
Suave , dapper , handsome , graceful . Lover of the most famous and beautiful ladies of the silver screen .
That was on camera and in the fan magazines . In real life it was different .
There was only one woman . For fourty-four years . His wife , Patricia . Friends said it was a lifelong love affair .
They were no less friends and lovers and companions after fourty-four years than after the first year .
Then Patricia developed cancer of the liver .
And though the doctors told Charles , he could not bear to tell her . And so he sat by her bedside to provide hope and cheer .
Day and night , for six months . He could not change the inevitable . Nobody could .
And Patricia died in his arms .
Two days later , Charles Boyer was also dead . By his own hand . He said he did not want to live without her .
He said , 'Her love was life to me .'
It's not for me to pass judgement on how he handled his grief . But I will say that I am touched and comforted in a strange way . Touched by the depth of love behind the apparent sham of a Hollywood love life .
Comforted to know that two people can love each other that much that long .
I don't know how I would handle my grief in similar circumstances .
But there were moments on May 15th , when I looked across the restaurant and watched the boy who once was mine . And that's when I understood why Charles Boyer did what he did .
It really is possible to love someone that much . I know .
I'm certain of it .
♥
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Thursday
April 30th, 2009 at 7:04pm |
( i thought this place was heaven-sent, but now it's just a monument in my mind )
It's often said that no matter the truth,
people see what they want to see .
Some people might take a step back ,
and find out they were looking at the same big picture all along .
Some people may see that their lies
have almost caught up to them .
As for me ?
I can see clearly now .
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| but i get carried away , with every day and every fantasy |
Wednesday
April 8th, 2009 at 11:08am |
( the deeper the wound the harder i swoon and wish that that was me )
I want to first of all , thank everyone for their comments on my last entry .
On the 29th, Captain and I broke up . Long story short, I violated his trust in a huge way and he decided it would be best for us to not be together right now .
I know a lot of you have said , try to move on , there are more fish in the sea, you’re so young . And I appreciate that , I really do . But I can’t live for the future . If I always live for the future I’ll miss what’s happening right now .
The breakup has shown me a lot of things about myself and my friends .
It’s shown me that I’m an emotional eater, that I eat away my feelings . I’ve gained 6 pounds in the last two weeks .
Some of my friends used this opportunity to scrutinize my relationship and point out all of the other things I did wrong . Some of my friends sympathize and can see the situation from my point of view .
Even though I told Captain immediately after, and never kept anything a secret, I’ve been under fire from a lot of people . His parents for one, don’t trust me anymore . His friends dislike me . They don’t approve of our friendship . But even with all of this , I’ve never downplayed what I have done . I’ve never tried to shirk the act, I’ve never made excuses to remove the blame .
( ”♥” )
I’m SUPER PUMPED about the new Metric album . I’m usually not a band person , because I like about one song from just about every artist on the planet . I’m a one-hit-wonder kind of girl, but Metric has never disappointed me . I’ll even buy the CD . That is a lot coming from me . I own about two cds . [Captain has several hundred]
Also , I’m going to prom with Captain [as friends] and I’m making my dress . I would buy it , but I’m a perfectionist and I know I won’t be able to find exactly what I want .
There’s an art event next month , it’s kind of like a craft fair . I’ll be getting a table if I can get my shit together ! I need to make these dreams of postcards and prints a reality . Time to crack the whip !
Ps. my 18th birthday is coming up !! aughhhhh shoot me , just shoot me now
as always -
Angelina on Twitter + Angelina on Flikr
+ if you like juicy , you should join the community I mod -
I know I screwed up , but I will always love you .
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Sunday
March 29th, 2009 at 12:32am |
Ah yes , the truth always comes out . It's one of the fundamental rules of time .
And when it comes out , it can set you free .
Or end everything you fought so hard for .
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| you might be a big fish in a little pond, but it doesn't mean you've won. |
Monday
March 9th, 2009 at 4:51pm |
( Why did Cinderella’s slipper . .
slip off when it fit her perfectly ? )
These pasts months, I've been in a sort of weird transitional state . Trying to figure out my future, and what that even means .
Normal things, highschool things, like graduation and prom, seem so trivial to me now .
I don't care if I'm not with my peers , I never considered them 'my peers' in the first place .
Even though I'm busy all the time, I often feel the heaviness ache in my heart.
With so many people this past year, I've failed to make contact properly and as a result have lost the relationship. It hurts, but I guess the truth is, with everyone going to different schools and places in the world, our friendships would have been terminated anyways .
I'm reverting to old habits, feeling crafty, all sorts of other good things.
Giving myself carpel tunnel from knitting ! I have a lot of big plans, but I'm not sure I have the drive to make them all happen . I guess we'll see in time .
For you :
Angelina on Twitter + Angelina on Flikr
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Sunday
February 1st, 2009 at 2:47pm |
be careful with the rose
she knows every word to every scene .
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